The Power of Play by Jan Shannon

I’ve read several blog posts and articles recently that connect the dots between consuming too much—whether food, material goods, television, or addictions—and lack of pleasure and play. The question they ask is this: What are you truly hungry for?

Though I love working with my clients and their teams, I can get so exhausted by business and conversations and people and doing-ness that I find myself feeling starved—for something. But I have a hard time slowing down enough to notice what I’m truly hungry for. I end up eating too much, or spending too many hours sleeping in on weekends, or wasting time or money on things that I know won’t bring me any real pleasure in the long run. As a culture we are especially susceptible this time of year to indulging in these false comforts.

Here is what I know truly restores me and feeds me:
• Walking barefoot in the grass
• Sitting in the sun on a crisp fall day, just feeling the warmth and breathing fresh air
• Co-inventing new games with my dog, Sienna
• Reading poetry
• Playing games with family and friends
• Watching wildlife at a lake or river
• Taking a long bath with lavender oil and a good book
• Making art
• Finding and appreciating beauty—outdoors, in a museum, in music, in a gentle conversation with a beloved friend
• Getting out of my head and into my body

It took me just a few moments to make this list, and none of these require much money. Only a few require much time.

So now I will leave my computer and go out into this beautiful fall day, drive to nearby Mt. Tabor Park, and enjoy a walk in the fresh air to relieve my hunger.

What pleasure or play restores and feeds you? I invite you to make a list and choose at least one to do today.

Being a Leader of a Great Group-Written By Dede Henley

WARREN BENNIS SAID, “There are groups, and then Great Groups that come together and accomplish the extraordinary.” To become a Great Group, you need to engage in five elements of collaboration:

1. Stay connected to a compelling purpose. The purpose reminds people of the larger idea of which they’re part. Teams flounder when members are unsure why they’re doing what they’re doing or how it fits into the larger scheme of things. When well-crafted, a compelling purpose has a powerful and irresistible effect. Team members feel like they are on a mission. They must put their talent and creativity into the tasks at hand. Leaders of Great Groups remind team members of why and for what they are giving their time and energy.

2. Cultivate a culture of trust and respect. Co-workers don’t have to like each other to work together, but they must trust and respect each other. Cultivating trust and respect begins with hiring talented people and putting the right person in the right job. When the person and the task are well matched, great things happen. Sometimes, it’s making the tough call-addressing underperformance or disruptive behavior. Great team leaders devote much time to cultivating trust (going slow to go fast), creating a culture where conflicts can be resolved in healthy ways.

3. Increase competence in three domains-emotionally, physically, and intellectually.

• Emotional Competence is about increased self-awareness, authenticity, empathy, motivation, and social skill. It enables us to handle impulses and emotions well and choose how we act and react.
• Physical Competence is about paying attention to our physical well-being and encouraging those we work with to do the same. If we are tired, worn out, or stressed, we can’t contribute or collaborate. Physical energy helps us manage our emotions, sustain concentration, think creatively, and maintain focus on our shared purpose.
• Intellectual competence isn’t just about being smart and having skills. It’s about bringing our best thinking to a project. We must think and work creatively and collaboratively; engage in shared problem-solving; sustain focus, maintain optimism, and access both the left and the right brain; take in sensory data—sight, smell, taste, touch, sound, and feelings. It opens up possibilities. You can think big thoughts, because there is no association to the past or the future.

4. Persevere in the face of breakdown and failure. As difficult as failure is, it is inevitable for teams that are stretching and growing and trying to make a difference. How that failure is dealt with speaks to how successful a team will be in reaching goals. When faced with a setback, Great Groups get back up, get on track, and keep going. They fail fast. They don’t dwell on the failure. They focus on fulfilling their compelling purpose. They venture into the unknown and learn along the way. They rarely dwell on failure except as something to learn from.

Failure suggests that we must try another way. At the moment of failure we gain access to new levels of creativity. How we deal with failure, how we react when things go awry, says a lot about our ability to cultivate a Great Group. Leaders who acknowledge failure, look past it without trying to lay blame, and choose to learn from it, gain a powerful relationship to failure. Winston Churchill said: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

5. Engage the power of appreciation. Warren Bennis notes, “Appreciation makes everyone feel that they’re at the heart of things, that they matter. Then, people feel they are making a differ- ence.” Most people leave their jobs because they feel underappreciated. Appreciation is a powerful tool for cultivating Great Groups—and it doesn’t cost you a cent!

These five elements take practice, contemplation, and consideration. I invite you to practice just one element. Try something new, seek feedback, and expand your skill. This is how you become a leader of a Great Group.

Power of Collaboration: Being a Leader of a Great Group was written by Dede Henley and published in Leadership Excellence magazine August 2009.

A Conversation on Success-Written By Carol Zizzo

As a leader, how do you define success? What is the one thing you pay attention to in order to achieve that success?

One of our company core values is learning, and one way I define successful leadership is that ongoing learning is taking place. Each year I choose a learning focus and explore a variety of ways I can begin to learn about it.

One year, I chose a seminar called Success: The Power of Context, offered by Landmark Education Corporation. As a result, I am now giving my attention to how I define success, how others define it, and mostly noticing how important most of us think it is. Amazon offers 122,864 books on success. Barnes & Noble lists 67,227.

I sometimes impede my own success because I fear that I won’t feel successful even when I am successful. I find myself either frantically trying to learn something in short order, or completely withdrawing and depending on others because I think I will never be successful in that area. This is when the joy of learning flies out the window and what blows in is fear of failure.

I recently came across a quote by Thomas John Watson, Sr.:

"Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It's quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. You are thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn't at all. You can be discouraged by failure or you can learn from it. So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because remember that’s where you will find success."

Thomas John Watson, Sr. was the president of IBM who took the company’s growth to international status. He became one of the richest men of his time and is often referred to as the greatest salesman of his era. He paid attention to doubling his failures! And, he paid attention to noticing what there was to learn from those failures.

Maybe your definition of success as a leader is focused on the people you lead, living the vision of your company, leaving the planet a better place, discovering a new product or process, or retiring before you are forty. Maybe it is making good use of what you gleaned from a great mentor. There is something you are paying attention to in your pursuit of success—what is it?

If you’re willing, we would love to see your posted response.

Learned Optimism-Written By Dede Henley

I’ll admit it.  I’ve been struggling with pessimism these past few months.  I’m having trouble thinking that things always turn out for the best in light of my daughter’s death.  So, I decided to try to learn a bit more about something I’ve always kind of taken for granted – optimism.

At its most basic, scientists believe, pessimism is an innate response to stress that was hardwired into prehistoric human brains as a survival mechanism.  The species survived and evolved because humans developed a “fight, flight, or freeze” response to any threat.  Those who did not develop this response were more likely to become victims of predators or other dangers.  The key to survival was remembering sounds and smells and events associated with danger.  

Most of us are no longer under threat from predators and yet, we still instinctively can come from the “fight, flight or freeze” mentality – looking for and imagining the worst that can happen.  It is time to evolve as leaders and to balance our automatic (and instinctive) thinking. 

Martin Seligman spent years researching optimism. In his book, “Learned Optimism,” he describes “Optimism” as the process of reacting to setbacks from a presumption of personal power:

• Bad events are temporary setbacks
• Bad events are Isolated to particular circumstances
• These can be overcome by my effort and abilities

Benefits of optimism include: inoculation against depression, improved health, and, when combined with talent and desire, optimism can enable achievement.

He describes “pessimism” as the process of reacting to setbacks from a presumption of personal helplessness:

• Bad events will last a long time
• Bad events will undermine everything I do
• They are my fault

Martin claims that optimism can be practiced and learned, even by those who have not consistently used them previously.   

An optimist sees a bad performance review as an opportunity for improvement.  He investigates what went wrong and takes action.  He doesn’t let it spill into the rest of her life, and he recovers more quickly from setbacks.  

And yet, in the domain of balance, pessimism has to be in the mix when you face risky decisions – a big investment, for example.  It’s the lens through which you see the ugly details in the scenario and explicitly look for the worst case.  One CEO shared that she looked to her CFO for pessimism; she knew she needed someone to help temper her strong optimism.  

I encourage you to notice your automatic thinking and challenge it, if it leads us down the path of “Bad events will last a long time; Bad events will undermine everything I do.  They are my fault.” 

It is possible to practice optimism and look for what’s working. It’s just a change of mind! 

Letting Go: A Leadership Lesson in Whitewater Kayaking

by Derek Olsen

A couple of weeks ago I was floating downriver in an open kayak, when suddenly I was rolled over and dumped into the water. Although I remembered to float feet-first on my back, I'm inexperienced swimming in rapids and I wanted to get quickly back into the kayak.  


My first instinct was to try to stand up in the river -- a painful mistake. Because I was clenching my double-blade paddle with one hand, I had only one arm with which to swim for the kayak, which was getting further away. The paddle caught the current and pulled me under, but I held on tight. If I let go, I reasoned, I wouldn't be able to steer the kayak once back in it. (Plus, I didn't want to buy a new paddle.)  


Finally, I knew that I wasn't getting back into the kayak, and I wanted out of the river. I needed both my arms free to swim to shore, so I had to let go of the paddle.

We use Otto Scharmer's Theory U model in our work with leaders to expand their capacity for withstanding unpredictability and uncertainty, and to help them let go of the desire to control. Letting go -- of control, of agendas, of the past, of preconceived answers -- is central to the model. Letting go of fear, judgment, and cynicism is a doorway to letting the truest answers emerge from pure presence.


My fear of being in the water drove my futile attempt to get quickly back into the kayak. If I had chosen to relax and stay calm, I could've simply floated along and enjoyed the ride until the current carried me past the rapids. 


Change can be like the current in the river. It knocks us down and drags us under if we try to stand in one place, but if we're willing to ride through the chaos there will be calm again on the other side. Like my trusty paddle, we hang onto things long past their usefulness. 


The solution for me was to let go and stop struggling. I later recovered the kayak in a calm spot downriver.

The Sweet Fruits of Retreat

by Jan Shannon

I practice taking time away once a year for a solo retreat. Often, this takes the form of backpacking in the wilderness or primitive camping in a forgotten spot. This year I decided to try something different.

Instead of "roughing it" and having a specific agenda to accomplish, such as books to read or questions to reflect upon--which sometimes leaves me feeling even more tired and overwhelmed than when I started--I chose to take myself to a beautiful, serene, small retreat center where I would be the only guest for four days. The innkeeper prepared fresh, healthy, and delicious organic meals with no sugar, no dairy and no wheat. (She does such an amazing job with this, you would never know those ingredients had been left out.) The massage therapist came to me with hot stones and fragrant oils. My coach facilitated a transformative coaching session over Skype. The dog and the chickens offered entertainment and play.

And the rest of the time? Mostly I spent it simply watching the lake, the trees, the birds and the beaver; dozing in the sun; walking barefoot in the grass or dipping my toes in the water; and noticing in each moment what I most wanted to do, then doing that. I was not productive. I did not accomplish anything. I did not work, make a contribution, think great thoughts, or make plans.

This could sound like an indulgence, a luxury, even a fantasy. Actually, I was working on my leadership.

I came away from this particular retreat completely restored, clear-headed, inspired, energized, and ready to return to work. Somehow I knew I could sustain the effects of the retreat for some time--and I have. Mostly what I gained was four full days of practice at being present in the moment. And that has stayed with me, and has continued to provide energy and inspiration and creativity each day since. I have more than made up for the time I took away by contributing from a full cup instead of an empty one.

It has made all the difference.

Leadership in the New Millennium-Written By Dede Henley

This past week, I gave a speech called as a guest speaker for Toastmasters.  It was called, “Leadership in the New Millennium.” What I pointed to are the new skills and capacities leaders will need in the years to come as the Millennials enter the workforce and move into positions of influence.  First, we must be willing to learn a bit about them.

The Millennial Generation was born between 1977 and 1998.  This means they are between the ages of 13 and 34 right now.  The 75 million members of this generation are being raised at the most child-centric time in our history.  Because they’ve gotten much attention from parents, teachers and coaches with high expectations, they can display self-confidence almost to the point of seeming cocky.  They are technically literate, as you might imagine, having cut their teeth on computers, the Internet and PDA’s.  Millennials are team-oriented, banding together to date and socialize rather than pairing off.  They are good multi-taskers, having juggled sports, school and social interests as children. Many of the Millennials have had “peer” relationships with their parents, so, in the workplace, they expect to have a relationship with those in power. 

Our challenge as leaders is to understand and meet the needs of this new generation.  Knowing what makes people “tick” allows leaders to call forth the highest and best from each and every employee, supervisor and manager.

Here are five tips that may help with the Millennial generation:

1.    Provide lots of challenges and the structure to back it up.  Break goals down into steps and offer necessary resources and information needed to meet the challenge. 

2.    Mentor the Millennials in groups, as they are comfortable in this setting.

3.    Make the workplace fun.  In truth, no one really enjoys drudgery, no matter what generation they come from!  Check out “Ideo” – a Silicon Valley based design firm – they seem to have figured out “fun” at work.

4.    Provide opportunities for growth and development.  Create stretch goals and support Millennials through failures or setbacks. 

5.    Support balance lives. This generation won’t have it be all about work.  They will demand time with family, time to recreate, and time to work.  Do what you can to create flexible working schedules that allow for a life.

Above all, as a leader, keep learning.  This is the antidote for becoming outdated and irrelevant.  Here’s to the next generation!

Digital Overtime

by Shanon Olsen


Yesterday, as I began packing for my vacation, my mind began to chatter:

“Should I bring my computer?”

“Will I have cell service?”

“I need to be able to check my email!”

Ten years ago, this was not the conversation I was engaging in before heading off for a week in the woods. What has changed?

New technology has created a phenomenon some  are calling “digital overtime.” This term is used to describe all the time we spend in our "off" hours checking email, sending text messages, and scheduling meetings on behalf of our jobs. Time that is nearly impossible to track and account for.

The Pew Internet & American Life Project--a nonprofit "fact tank" that provides information on the issues, attitudes, and trends shaping America and the world--conducted a survey of employed email users and found that:

• 22% are expected to respond to work email when they're not at work
• 50% check work email on the weekends
• 46% check work email on sick days
• 34% check work email while on vacation

My interest is not so much about whether this trend in digital overtime is right or wrong, good or bad. Rather, I am interested in how this struggle to disconnect impacts both our professional and personal lives. What are the moments of genius and discovery we miss by not being present to what is directly in front of us? 


Technology has gifted us with international connections, flexibility, and hightened productivity. But on the flip side, it is now more of a challenge to simply turn off the office lights at night and engage in the rest of life.

This current trend is challenging us with a paradoxical leadership stretch: 

Disconnect so you can reconnect. 

Perhaps, by simply allowing time each day to set it all down, we can reignite passion in our workplaces and stay connected to the purpose of our careers. Perhaps we can be rested and restored so we can be of great use in ways that matter deeply to us.

So, as someone who is prone to putting in many hours of digital overtime, I am pleased to say that I will be off the grid for the next week. It seems the trees and mountains will be volunteering to block my cell signal. We all need a little support to disconnect, at first.

Enjoy this great video that captures the the idea of disconnecting to connect.

Going Slow to Go Fast-By Dede Henley

Have you noticed that you begin thinking the moment you wake up?  Often the mental chatter doesn’t stop until we fall into bed at night.  I think we actually pass out from thinking too much!  The more I work with leaders, the more I understand the importance of mental mastery—having power and choice over your thoughts and subsequent emotions. You won’t become a clear leader by listening to the flotsam and jetsam of your mind. You can’t think your way to authenticity and creativity.

Brainwave Activity

Let’s take a moment to reflect on what we are learning about the brain.  We know it operates on four brainwaves – like electrical currents.  The first is what is called the “Beta brainwave” and is emitted when we are consciously alert, as well as when we feel nervous or tense.  “Alpha” is the second brainwave and is accessed when we are in a state of physical and mental ease.   The third frequency is called “Theta”, a state of reduced consciousness that is present just as we are drifting off to sleep.  And finally, the “Delta” brainwave is operating when we are in deep sleep. 

For our purposes, I will focus on just two of these brainwaves: Beta and Alpha. Beta brainwave is a fast wave and indicates agitation. Most of the leaders we work with find themselves in Beta brainwave most of the time.  We are often in this state at work! We are also learning that brainwaves are contagious.  If you were in the room with someone who was “buzzing” at this fast brainwave frequency in just a few minutes your ECG would show the same brainwave frequency!  One person in a meeting could “speed up” a whole room full of people.

Alpha brainwave is a slower frequency.  When our minds move more slowly, we can learn new information, perform challenging tasks, and analyze complex situations, bringing new ideas and intuitions to bear. Alpha brainwave frequency is accessed when we engage in routine tasks such as showering, using the washroom, or going for a walk.  This is why we often have an “aha!” moment when we get up from an intense conversation and take a break.  It can also be accessed intentionally through quieting one’s mind. Quieting the mind produces significant increases in levels of beta-endorphin, norepinephrine and dopamine, which is linked to feelings of increased mental clarity and intuition. It also allows us to have a better sense of humor and be more easy-going.

Going Slow to Go Fast

Accessing Alpha brain waves means slowing down.  I call it “going slow to go fast.” Some of the world’s stickiest problems have been resolved by accessing this part of the brain. Here’s one example: 

Friedrich August Kekule was a German chemist in the 1860’s who was trying to work out the molecular structure of benzene.  He worked at it for years – doing what chemists do: lab work, painstaking experimentation, following procedural steps.  But the answer came in an unexpected way – he dozed off and had a dreamlike vision of a snake swallowing its tail.   When he woke, he knew what it meant – benzene is a six-membered ring of carbon atoms with alternating single and double bonds. This scientific breakthrough came not through deductive reasoning but through an intuitive flash of insight when the mind had quieted down.

Mastering your mind means consciously choosing what to place your attention on, despite the demanding and arbitrary commands of your mind. It involves training and discipline.  I often say that the mind is like an untrained puppy. You know how it goes: you put the puppy on the paper in the kitchen and before you know it, the puppy has wandered off and piddled on the floor.  So, you pick the puppy up and put it back on the paper.  And when you turn your head, it wanders off again.  Yelling at the puppy won’t help, and it may make things worse!  You must just be patient and put the puppy back on the paper time and time again, until it is trained.  

It is the same in our attempts to gain mental mastery.  We sit down to quiet our minds and before we know it, our minds have wandered off to that task we didn’t finish yesterday, worries about the economy, humming a little song that you just can’t get out of your head.  The puppy has wandered off the paper.  So, you pick it up gently and put it back.  You train your thoughts to follow your command.

Five Minutes a Day

The mind is an amazing instrument if used well. Gaining mental mastery means that you begin to use the instrument called your mind for your truest priorities and purpose.  When I work with executives, I encourage them to “sit” for five minutes a day. They set their cell phones to beep in five minutes, so they will know when to stop. For five minutes, they are to focus on their breathing, in and out at the nose.  Whenever the mind wanders, they bring it back to the breath.  In this way, a leader is training her mind to fall silent when commanded to do so.  This will come in handy when she is in an important meeting and needs the full attention of her mind on the conversation right in front of her. 

Like exercise done consistently can produce fitness, so will five minutes of sitting a day produce greater mental mastery.  It takes discipline and a commitment to the great benefits that Alpha brainwaves make available.  

Get Up! Written By Derek Olsen

On top of what we already knew about the benefits of exercise, plenty of new evidence is indicating that being more physically active throughout the day contributes to a healthier, longer life and costs the organization fewer sick days. Research continues to highlight the long-term effects of physical inactivity. Since mastery of the physical domain is an important competency for effective leadership, this is a relevant topic for leaders.

On average, we spend 9.3 hours a day sitting down, and I don't think it's because we're uninformed. Data alone isn't enough to motivate us to change our habits; something else gets in the way of us doing what we know is best for ourselves.  

We value our health, yet when it comes to our work, productivity often trumps all else. What holds me in my chair is the thought that I have too much to do to be stretching or taking a walk. "I'm too busy" is a particularly stubborn belief to uproot, because I validate myself every time I look at my to-do list and add up the hours left in the day. The data seems to indicate that I am too busy, and I get to be right again--even at the cost of my own health.

I started writing this blog the way I usually do, by surfing the internet for current and relevant articles, feeling the pressure to get this done in the time that I allotted. As usual, there's an infinite amount of information to sift through, which takes a lot of time. I wanted this to be written to the best of my ability, based on credible information, and to be original and thoughtful so as to inspire my readers to make new choices. I wanted this to be as good as the other blogs that my partners at The Dede Henley Group are writing. I soon started to feel overwhelmed, because if only I had more time, I could accomplish all these goals. 

So I closed my laptop and went outside for a walk. When I came back, I simply sat down and wrote this. I did have enough time, after all. 

How about you?

Gaining Mental Mastery

by Dede Henley

Mental mastery is one of the hallmarks of a leader. Our minds can be like untrained puppies – we put them on the paper to pee and they wander off, just like that. We pick them up, put them back on the paper and they wander off again! It wouldn’t help to yell at the puppy or be angry. Our job as loving beings is to pick the puppy up over and over again and put her back on the paper, until she gets the hang of it and learns to stay on the paper at your command. We are training our minds, just the same.

This is a critical skill for leaders. We must have well-trained minds. I heard a saying recently, “The mind is like a wild animal. It is a wise man who takes the time to tame it.” We must be able to still ourselves in the midst of anything in order to listen deeply, to intuit meaning, to know what action would move a conversation or a project forward.

“Sitting” helps you gain this mastery. Sitting is simple, and because of that it can be difficult to do – sometimes we want to make it harder than it is. It is impossible to do wrong, if done with sincerity. And it is very tempting to continually assess ourselves, or harshly judge ourselves. Sitting is a practice of observation, in acceptance, in compassion, in stillness, and in discovering our true nature. You do not have to believe anything to sit – it does not exclude any religion.

When sitting, just notice your thoughts and let them go, bringing your attention back to the breath at either the tip of your nose, the rise and fall of your chest, or the expansion and contraction of your belly. Sitting allows us to quiet down the mind, the body, the heart, and to focus on only one thing – the breath.

This practice comes from my friends at New Ventures West Coaching School. Here's how to do it:

1. Sit up straight in a chair with your feet flat on the floor.

2. Either close your eyes or gaze at a spot on the floor 6-8 feet in front of you.

3. Bring your awareness to your breath – either in your abdomen as it rises and falls, or at the tip of your nostrils where the air enters and leaves your nose. Select the area you are most aware of. Do not change your breathing, just begin to observe it. Do not change areas of attention. Pick one and stick with it.

4. Say quietly to yourself “in” when you inhale, and “out” when you exhale. Between breaths, bring your attention to the points where your body touches the chair, and where your feet touch the floor.

5. Focus all of your attention on your breath. If you find your attention wandering, simply say “thought” to yourself and bring your attention back to your breathing. You may wish to label the thoughts as “planning,” “remembering,” “imagining,” “worrying,” and so on.

6. Acknowledge any sensations in your body, saying the word “sensation” and returning your attention to your breathing. Do the same with any emotions that may occur.

Begin by sitting just five minutes a day. See if you can build up to sitting for up to 20 minutes a day and reap the rewards of mastering your mind.

Poetry and Leadership

by Shanon Olsen


When a member of my team was completing her degree in Organizational Development, one of the biggest stretches her advisor offered her was this: to take a poetry class. In that moment she heard herself say, "What does poetry have to do with leadership, let alone the world of Organizational Development?"

David Whyte, a world renowned poet in the field of vocation, work, and organizational leadership, says this: "In organizational settings, using poetry and thoughtful commentary can foster qualities of courage and engagement; qualities needed if we are to respond to today’s call for increased creativity and adaptability in the workplace."

We use poetry in our trainings and retreats as a way to slow down and listen more intently to ourselves and surroundings. In many ways, the writing of poetry can be seen as a lens through which we interpret and describe the world, painting a powerful picture of our emotions, perspectives, relationships, and even how we show up as a leader. The act of writing poetry can support the defining of experiences that we may not otherwise know how to describe. Writing poetry challenges us to move from our overused pragmatic, linear, and concrete left brain into the more creative, timeless, and intuitive right brain. Poetry can move us quickly from intellect to emotion, ground us in our heart and values, and remind us of the power of language -- all of which are useful for great leaders.
 
We challenge you to be poetic, put pen to paper, and be willing to be surprised by the words you find yourself writing. We invite you to consider what this practice could give you access to. Slow down enough to listen to the voice within that has such a great deal to say.
 
Here is a poem we received from a Yahoo Group we subscribe to called Panhala. We are grateful for this daily dose of poetry.  

For a New Beginning

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,

Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety

And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,

And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear

You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;

Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

~ John O'Donohue ~

Willful Blindness

by Carol Zizzo


We recently saw one of our favorite authors, Margaret Heffernan, author of Willful Blindness, present to 650 women executives at the annual Women Presidents Organization conference in Vancouver, B.C. Inspiring and terrifying, her message is good reason to pause and consider one’s own culpability in “willful blindness” through habits and beliefs in our workplace. Here are a few to consider.

Multi tasking: It’s an urban myth. We ask our brains to do things that science has proven it cannot do. Yet we insist on believing and acting as though they can. What do you believe?

Being Fatigued: Working long hours, getting poor quality or too little sleep, and taking on too much work result in moving glucose from the part of our brain used for critical thinking and data sorting to simply keeping us awake. We may recognize the problem, but will not know how to solve it. How often are you tired?

Unexamined Mental Models: Lack of dedicated time to examine our key orthodoxies leads to intolerance of opposing ideas and unconscious dismissal of what does not fit our ideology or reality. We alleviate our discomfort with dissonance by eliminating information that we don’t understand. What mental models prevent you from seeing true problems or their solutions?

Organizational Silos: Heffernan cited a recent study showing that 85% of employees know there are serious workplace issues, but will not speak up for fear of retribution. We hire smart people and train them to shut up. What is it like where you work?

Obedience: If we believe that the CEO is the ultimate authority, we are less likely to challenge and more likely to comply. Heffernan’s research indicates that over time, employees will shift from doing what is right to doing what will please. Have you had this experience in your career?

Bystander Theory: The greater the number of people who witness something going wrong, the less likely it is that someone will do something to stop it. We allow gossip to feel like action rather than recognizing it as a diffusion of accountability. Where does your human need to belong and get along triumph over causing positive change?

Examining your “eyesight” regularly for these instances of willful blindness can lead to clear vision and foresight!

Five Tips to Surprise and Delight Customers

by Dede Henley

In our leadership development consulting firm, we frequently have conversations about how we might “surprise and delight” our clients. It’s a fun conversation to have – to think about what would be a great surprise for our sophisticated clients. Recently, I had an experience of being delighted by great customer service.

I am still knee-deep in The Carly Henley Project, fulfilling on promises made to our contributors on Kickstarter.com. We promised to produce CDs, t-shirts, and a video, among other things. Over the past six months, we have had a great team of people working to create these deliverables — all except for the video.

I couldn’t get my arms around it. We had hundreds of hours of video and thousands of photos. Sorting through it all and choosing the best to include on a DVD seemed overwhelming.

This is where Molly Bullard of Seattle Photo Organizing came in. After my initial request for her help, she provided me with three options for working together. But after listening further to my needs, she referred me to a competitor, Scan My Photos. I had over 4,000 photos, and they provide volume scanning at a low price. Molly heard my need and figured out how to meet it. Wow!

But Molly didn’t stop there. She checked back with me about two weeks later, wanting to know how the scanned photos turned out. This delighted me, because I had given my business to another service provider, yet she wasn’t disappointed — she was interested in my experience of their service!

She wanted to know if I needed further help with the project. We didn’t. But when our video project fell through about a month later, I was surprised and delighted to receive yet another gracious message from Molly Bullard. She was just checking in on the project. She had ideas about how to do the video fast and inexpensively. I hired her and she has delivered a wonderful video that we can share with our friends and family.

So, what I have I learned from Molly about extraordinary service?

1. Be helpful — even if there's no immediate profit in it. Take the long view; things change and opportunities open when you least expect it. Don’t be disappointed when one opportunity goes away. There may be others.

2. Really care about the people you serve. This can provide the sustained motivation to stay connected, even when there doesn’t seem to be an immediate need for your product or service.

3. Stay in touch in generous, light-hearted, and creative ways. This helps people to remember you are there and ready to serve.

4. Listen. Molly listened to my story of what the project was for and why it mattered to all of us. She got it all.

5. Give more than is expected. Molly has worked side-by-side with me to minimize the cost of the video. She has been generous with her time and her talent.

Surprising and delighting customers is not only good business, it feels good and can lead to surprising, delightful, and unexpected results—such as this post, which could lead many new customers directly to Molly’s door.

Who could you surprise and delight this week?

Know Thyself - Written By Derek Olsen

A premise to any leadership development effort is that you cannot change who you fundamentally are, therefore much of our development works to expand awareness about ourselves. Even if you could change yourself into some "superior" being, it would most likely be at the cost of the naturally creative, resourceful and whole person you already are.

According to Greek lore, inscribed on the ancient Temple of Apollo, was the phrase "Know Thyself ", Warren Bennis states that this "is still the most difficult task any of us faces.  But until you truly know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, know what you want to do and why you want to do it, you cannot succeed in any but the most superficial sense of the word.  When you know what you consist of and what you want to make of it, then you can invent yourself.".

Your strengths and weaknesses may not be what you think they are. We all have blind spots, parts of ourselves that we don't see clearly. Learning about your blind spots requires a relatively objective perspective about yourself, which often requires being willing to receive feedback. To be given honest feedback requires transparency, vulnerability and humility on your part, so if your weaknesses are in those areas, you may want support.

In the workplace (and at school and home for some of us) attention can be focused on fixing what seems to be broken, or on what's perceived as being wrong with us. Call it an "opportunity for development" or "area of growth potential" or whatever else you want to call it, there's nothing wrong with having a weakness, and it may always be your weakness, so accept it. In fact, your greatest strengths may be a result of your greatest weaknesses. Conversely, your greatest strengths may also create your greatest weaknesses. Keep your eye on your weaknesses and let your team know about them as a way of demonstrating accountability, self awareness and transparency.

In the book Strengths Finder 2.0, Tom Rath says strength is "the result of your natural talent multiplied by the effort you invest developing it". Your talents, or core strengths, have been obvious to the people around you for your whole life. When you were hired, it was your strengths that lifted you above the other interviewees who had resumes equal or better than yours.  They are what people love and appreciate mos about you, they are what you know you were in some way born to contribute.  Our gifts are given to us to be shared by all, so dig deeply and share freely.

Callings-By Carol Zizzo

I spent my rainy Saturday morning watching two old movies: Frida and Billy Elliot. One is a biographical drama of famous Mexican artist Frida Kahlo, the other a fictional drama of the 11-year-old son of a British coal miner who wants to practice ballet instead of boxing. 

Both Frida and Billy had to face seemingly overwhelming obstacles to follow their calling. Frida experienced a lifetime of physical pain and disability caused by a childhood bus accident, lived a controversial lifestyle, and spent 25 years in a tumultuous marriage. Billy was marginalized by his community and was initially forbidden to dance by his father, who wanted him to box.  

Neither the artist nor the dancer stopped. They were not discouraged by lack of public acceptance or resources, or concerned with whether they could carve a living out of their gift. They answered the call, the drive, to work at what they loved. 

Author Gregg Levoy, in his book Callings, describes a calling this way:

“…[it is an] organism, a living entity, with an animus all its own. It exerts a centrifugal force on our lives, continually pushing out from within. It drives us toward authenticity and aliveness, against the tyranny of fear and inertia and occasionally reason, and it is metered by the knocking in our hearts that signals the hour. If we are at all faithful to our calls, to the driving force of soul in our lives, it will lead us to a point of decision. Here we must decide whether to say yes or no, now or later, ready or not. And it will keep coming back until we give it an answer.”

Biographical or fiction, I am inspired by people who persevere in the face of no support and follow the call to contribute their gifts. I am inspired by leaders who say yes to their passion, whether immediately or eventually.

Transparency

In our work we speak to the importance of transparency.  We say "if you don't tell people what is going on with you, they will make it up".  In times of great change, transparency serves in creating trust, clarity, and certainty among your team, with your clients and customers.  It is in this spirit we post this blog. 


A piece of writing by Dede about her experience at the ISA conference March 2011, six months after the death of her daughter.

"Here I am at the Camelback resort in Scottsdale, AZ, attending the ISA annual conference.  Last year, I learned so much from my colleagues and peers I was bursting with enthusiasm and ideas for growing our company.

This year is different.  It has not yet been six months since my daughter's death.  I came back to my room in tears after attending the morning session.  Nothing in particular had unhinged me. Or was it Bev tenderly touching my hair and telling me how sorry she is? Was it the look of shock and compassion in Jeff's eyes as I shared with him what had happened?  Was it Sean's courage in joining me at an otherwise empty lunch table, perhaps knowing the conversation would be hard?

Perhaps it is too soon. or perhaps it is not.  There is no instruction book that goes with grieving the loss of a child.  What would it say? "Stay close to home for the first six months?" Or, "Do not attempt to mingle in a "meet and greet" crowd of 50 or greater for the first year?" No.  This is a wilderness that each of us navigates one footfall at a time. Finding here the soil is steady, here it falls away like sand.  Patience is called for.  A willingness to slow down, then slow down even more.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes calls this being, "Instinct injured." The old reliability and ways of knowing myself are gone for now.  I do not know what comes next in this terrain. I bow to my own courage in coming."

I, along with many others, honor her courage, her perseverance and her ongoing commitment to the delivery of transformational leadership development.  In the wake of grief she has continued to step fully into being a leader of our company, launched The Carly Henley Project,  walked unknown terrain, and has repeatedly chosen to believe that indeed "Love Wins".

The Four Myths of Emotions at Work-By Derek Olsen

Leadership depends on the quality of relationships, and here at The Dede Henley Group, we encourage leaders to be authentic with their emotions in order to build trust.  Much has been written about emotional intelligence (EQ) and emotional literacy.  The key factors are: know your own emotions, empathize with others, and manage your response to emotions.  Emotions play a significant and often unspoken role in organizations, and a powerful way to develop greater EQ is to challenge common beliefs about feelings in the workplace.

Myth #1: Feelings don’t belong in the workplace.

Your feelings go everywhere we go.  You can choose how transparent to be about them.  Your body language probably communicates your feelings more than you realize, and being up front about what you are feeling validates your co-workers’ experience of you.  Being honest about emotional reactions creates opportunities for co-workers to know and understand you better, and also signals to your team that it’s safe for them to have their feelings.

Myth #2: There are bad feelings.

Emotions are neither good nor bad.  They simply are what they are: a bodily response to your interpretation of your surroundings.  When you judge your feelings as being bad or wrong, you make yourself wrong for having the feeling.  Consider that emotions are raw data indicating that you might want to pay closer attention to something.  Feelings remind you to check in with your intuition.

Myth #3: You can control your feelings.

Your body often decides for you what you feel, when, and how intensely.  What you can change are the thoughts that generate and intensify your feelings.  You can also separate your feelings from your behaviors, and consciously respond to the feelings you are having.  The word emotion is based on the Latin emovere, meaning "move out.”  Allow your feelings to move through you, and be intentional about your actions.  Sometimes it can be as simple as saying, “I’m sad.”  This may also positively impact your physical health.

Myth #4: Feelings are caused by other people.

You may say things like “she made me mad,” or “I might make him mad.”  Remember, you don’t have the power to control someone else’s emotions.  At times, you may not even be able to control your own!  Feelings are mostly created by thoughts and beliefs, and there’s evidence that energy stored in your body from past experiences can also trigger emotions.  Take care of your own feelings, and let others can take care of theirs.

The vitality of an organization can be measured by the amount of trust among the relationships of the people within it.  As a leader, it’s your responsibility to model what it takes to build strong, trusting relationships.  You also have the opportunity to foster a culture in your organization that allows others the safety and freedom to be themselves. Disrupt these four myths and you are well on your way to a more trusting, healthy and therefore productive organization.

Think Big: "Create Your Reality"-Written By Dede Henley

Your words, your thoughts create your reality.  Do you know this?

Most of us have no desire for that level of daily accountability, to say “Yes I created ____” (fill in the blank).  We tell ourselves it is so much easier to simply blame others,  our circumstances, or current situations for why life isn’t working.  Consider that this power, that we indeed create our life, may be good news!  I invite you to consider this idea, to play with it as a means to truly step into your highest leadership.

If you knew you could create your reality, then what would you create? 

Think big, be outrageous, have fun!  Byron Katie offers "It is the story we tell ourselves about our life that is the problem, not our life".  It all begins with a thought, a story, an idea.  You can change the world – we start first with yours.

I’m not talking about goals, though that may be part of it.  Consider what would give you a life you love.  See if you can identify what’s not working right now and whether or not you can change it.  If it’s not changeable, what are the “walls”, the immovable things in it?  Examine your own thoughts.  Do you have any limiting beliefs, thoughts that may be keeping you stuck?  What is the story you are telling yourself?

Begin to create a reality that works for you.  Think big.  Create the ideal job, the ideal relationship, the perfect environment for you, the lifestyle you love, the circle of friends you want to be surrounded by, the adventures and experiences that will uplift you.  You grow and expand what you pay attention to. 

We invite you spend time on and pay attention to a life that works for you. Write it down and read it out loud at least once a day for 40 days.  You’ll be amazed what you can create!