The Five-Second Connection By Jan Shannon

You hear it every time you go to the mall or the grocery store:  “Mommy? Mommy? Mommy! Mommy! MOMMY! MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!” The longer it takes to get Mommy’s attention, the louder and longer the shrieks become. When the harried mother finally tunes in to what the child needs, decibel levels return to normal. Until the next time.

Our team members may not scream at us verbally for attention, yet the quality of their work and level of commitment depend upon the quality of our relationships. Being fully present with another—taking time to listen and really see them—automatically communicates value and appreciation.

What is the cost to a team of having a leader who is not fully present? Plenty. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, 64 percent of Americans who leave their jobs say they do so because they don’t feel appreciated. Direct reports need to feel valued and seen by their bosses; those who don’t, over time, can become disengaged. Valuable talent can be lost without the “care and feeding” your team members need from you.

Since many leaders have trouble finding even 10 minutes in their day to connect with their direct reports, I’ve been experimenting with a practice I’m calling “The Five-Second Connection.” Here’s how it works:

1. When a team member or direct report calls or walks in and interrupts whatever you are doing, stop completely (or ask them to wait a moment while you finish your thought). 
2. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind of whatever you were just working on. Turn to fully face the person with your hands free. If it’s a phone interaction, let your eyes rest on something restful and positive, like a nature scene outside the window or a photo of a loved one on your desk.
3. Notice your own internal state. Gently let go of any tensions, distractions, or emotions. Take another deep breath and find the part of you that is open, curious, and grounded.
4. Allow yourself to notice or remember something you appreciate about the person. Connect to your genuine caring about her.
5. Look the person in the eye. What can you perceive about her state of mind just by looking at her? Notice if there is tension in her face. Is she smiling? Does she seem upset? For phone calls, tune in carefully to the person’s tone, volume, tenor, and pace.
6. Listen.

I am finding that this practice gets faster and faster the more I do it; five seconds was more of a goal than a reality at the beginning. The payoff has been rich.

I am hearing more of what people are saying—and not saying. I am more readily feeling and offering appreciation. I am able to connect at a deeper level in a very short period of time.  People seem more willing to talk with me about their concerns. I believe trust is being built, and those around me are feeling more respected.

Your working relationships are well worth five seconds. What breakthroughs might you have by adopting this simple practice?

(By the way:  this practice is recommended for interactions with your kids and spouses, too.)