Accessing Gratitude for All Things

by Dede Henley

I recently heard the story of a boy standing in a barn, in a stall filled shoulder-high with manure. He’s shoveling away, whistling happily. His friend asks him how he can be so light-hearted with such a miserable and daunting task. He replies, “With all this sh*t, I figure there must be a pony in there somewhere!”

It’s easy to forget to be grateful and optimistic, especially when events, circumstances or people seem difficult or challenging. We don’t consider that everything that enters our life bears a gift. The challenge, of course, is it to look for that gift.

After the death of our beloved daughter, Carly, we have struggled to find what there is to be grateful for. Some days, it seems there is nothing. And yet, life continues to deliver grace to our door. A neighbor walks up with a warm loaf of pumpkin bread, tears in her eyes, and says, “We love you.” A rainbow appears at the end of the storm over near Vashon Island. The beautiful golden leaves of fall hang on longer than ever. I stumble upon hours of video of Carly, singing and being her beautiful self. A client offers me patience and deep generosity.

Consider that any difficulty can be a gift, and that the greatest fruits come when you can begin to feel grateful—even on the most difficult and challenging day—using everything for your own growth and development. Experiences we call “negative” often bring us the greatest teachings. Experiences of pain can help us develop empathy. Challenges can help build character. 

Research shows that gratitude is beneficial to your health (McCollough, Emmons, 2003). In this study, one participant group recorded a diary of daily events, while another group wrote down unpleasant experiences, and a third group wrote down a daily record listing things for which they were grateful. The gratitude group was more likely to help others, exercise, and complete personal goals while reporting more determination, optimism, alertness, energy, and enthusiasm.

It is interesting to note that this study also found that people who take time to deliberately record their gratitude were more likely to feel loved, and found more kindness reciprocated to them. The grateful people were grateful regardless of whether special events happened in their day or not. In other words, they did not just have moments of gratitude, but grateful attitudes.

An attitude of gratitude is welcoming. It resists nothing. Its arms are wide open saying, “Yes, this too.”

How can you develop an attitude of gratitude? With practice. Take time, each evening before you drift off to sleep, to think about the things for which you feel grateful from the day. Remind yourself about what is good, and end your day on a positive note. Make some notes in a journal. This positive attitude seems to carry over from one day to the next. 

Every time you are frustrated, overwhelmed or sad, remember: there is a pony in there somewhere!