Creating a "Workable" Life

Part of being a true leader is being able to be honest about both what is working well and what’s not working in any given situation. To do that, you must be paying attention – mostly to your own gut and sensibilities. You know when something isn’t working because generally people are suffering and struggling. It doesn’t work to force an outcome, to make something happen. I’ve come to trust that if I have to force something, it may not be time for this particular thing to come to fruition.

Consider that life can be much more effortless. You really can find the path of least resistance. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyicalls this “Flow.” According to Csíkszentmihályi, flow is completely focused motivation. It is a single-minded immersion and represents perhaps the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performing and learning. In “flow,” the emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand. The hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture, while performing a task.

I say, to get there, you need to identify what’s not working in your life – at work, at home, in all the roles you play. Make a list (yes, it might be long!). Then, ask yourself what’s needed to have each of the things that currently doesn’t work, work?

As many of you know, I have traveled to clients as part of my consulting practice for many years. My children have grown up with this. As they grew, my middle daughter became more vocal about her unhappiness with my work. I felt guilty every time I went to work. It was an area of life that wasn’t working for me.

I know this is a challenge for many women. Carol Evans, CEO and President of Working Mother magazine, calls this “The National Guilt Trip.” It’s what happens when you take 24 million working mothers and put them into offices and communities that cling to the concept that men should work and moms should stay home. This cultural contradiction plagues us. We want to work, in some cases we need to work, and many of us love to work. And we love our families. Women become paralyzed by this contradiction.

One day, my daughter, Carly, met me at the door at the end of a five-day business trip. She was 15. She said to me, “I need you at home. I need a mom right now.” She was clear. She knew what would work for her and what wasn’t. The truth was, after nearly 20 years on the road, it really wasn’t working for me either, though I could not see the alternatives. But, my daughter’s truth rang clear. I needed to work closer to home.

Within six months, I was off the road. I had cultivated clients right here in the Seattle area, something I had not considered doable before. I could now enroll in classes and actually be able to attend them. I could now participate more actively in my community. I love life off the road. And it works for me, for my family and for my consulting practice.

What’s not working in your life? Listen to the complaints of those you love. Underneath it may be something that really doesn’t work. Start to create workability in every area of your leadership and life.